Oceans apart day after day, and I slowly go insane.
I hear your voice on the line, but it doesn't stop the pain.
A classic Richard Marx's song (Right Here Waiting). My all time favourite, and now a good
The next day after 05 Apr, I went back to HKG again. We chatted on skype that night, a start of many nights of internet conversation thereafter. It has been awhile I chatted over the phone with someone, and I must say it takes time to get used to it.
At first it feels kind of sweet, to have someone to talk to while overseas. Even though everyday it is as if I am fighting a battle at work, I still look forward to going back to hotel and chatting with you till wee hours. But I must admit, sometimes I was distracted by work while chatting with you. Sorry dear.
However, sometimes I feel so frustrating not being able to express myself when we were discussing some issues. Remember that time when u mentioned about applying for a new job? And this job requires you to be away in HK for 18mths. Here I am trying hard to find a job back in SIN so that I can be by your side, and yet you are aiming for this dream job which requires traveling.
I was hoping that your answer then was a firm and definite one. That you will turn the offer down if it requires you to travel. But who am I to you, to stop you from fulfilling your dream? I am already barely surviving not being with you for 18 days, let alone 18mths. Alas, you did not give a me that kind of assurance that I wished for. You tried brushing the topic off lightly, jokingly saying that you only applied the job for fun, and you will screw it up when the time comes.
I think when that time really comes, you will be caught in a dilemma. And I am sure I will lose. After all, I am not your top priority now. And as you mentioned, you would not say things which you do not meant. And hence you never will give me that definite answer, even though I needed one. Since you are incapable of lying to me just to make me feel assured, this makes me conclude that when your dream job calls you away from me, you will leave.
You once asked me, will I wait for someone which she fulfils her dreams elsewhere for a period of 1-2 years. My answer is for certain, I CANNOT. Sounds as if I have no confidence in a relationship? Yea, relationship should be simple and as long as we love each other, we can stood the test of time. But it most likely cannot stood the test of distance. I told you that if ever one day my boss asked me to relocate, and there are no other alternatives to it, I will resign without hesitation. This is the kind of resolute and committment I have for this relationship. It was only after giving you this assurance that you said you will do the same for me as well. I felt somewhat comforted by your reply, but if this assurance had come immediately when the topic was first discussed, I would have felt certain it is your true words.
Anyway, this topic of being away from each other was not brought up again. But it will always bug me now and then at the back of my mind. Until the day I make you my wife, I have to be prepared that you might leave me someday. For someone else or for something greater.
I am only a simple person. I need nothing but only your love.
